if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
you made out with another girl for some wings
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
