My friends, they love my intelligence
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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