WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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