o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
