you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
