Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Oh god it's open bar.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
