i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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