You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
