i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Buhtt sex?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
