Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
