I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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