He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
