Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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