He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just high enough for therapy.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
