it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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