Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
