i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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