im drinking this country out of the recession.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
