Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Randomize
