Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
