Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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