Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
