How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Damn victory sex feels great
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
