This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
