I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
