Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
