Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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