NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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