so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
