i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
