I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
