do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
