wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
