is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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