I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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