My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
