Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
