I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
