this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
