ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
