We named our party play list daddy issues
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
