I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Randomize
