youre lurking in front of me
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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