well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
