I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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