And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
