opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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