Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
