Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
