the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
