I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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