Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
