wrigley field is MILF paradise
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
