I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
