dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
