I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
