I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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