if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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