I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
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I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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