some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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