I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
