Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
