mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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