Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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