We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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