then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
