but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
