I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
