please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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