"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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