I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
