i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
